Reflections: The Disturbing Reason I Didn’t Start My YouTube Channel and The Importance of Empowering Empaths
For years now, I had grappled with the idea of starting a YouTube channel. I’d always brushed it off as “something I’m uncomfortable with”, which is pretty vague. Why? Why was I so uncomfortable with the idea? I had to sit with myself to find out, and what I discovered was upsetting.
I came to realize I was fearful of malignant, narcissistic males I’d encountered in the past. But one in particular named LaVaughn P. I was much younger and more naive when I decided to give him a chance. At first, he seemed like a really cool person; he got me. He validated me. I felt like he saw me. Plus we both had similar upbringings in dysfunctional, toxic families, etc..
But when we became romantically involved things changed for the worst. He became controlling, obsessive, utterly paranoid, petty, insecure and host to a plethora of unsavory qualities. L.P. quickly devolved into a demon or maybe the mask was just slipping away, and he was always like this underneath.
Of course, I realized this was a bad situation and tried to maintain my peace and sanity, so I broke it off. No surprise, he did NOT handle it well. We worked together and a coworker who was a friend at the time noticed that he would try to follow me to the bathroom or break room anytime I got up from my station.
He also stalked me outside of work and threatened to hurt my cats. I caught him (almost) trying to break in from the back as I was taking out my garbage. He immediately pulled his phone out and called the police on me, saying I “wouldn’t give him back his stuff”. This was complete bullshit. This man had nothing worth keeping nor was there anything of his in my apartment except maybe a shirt and some personal care items, which I had already given back to him. I had to have my uncle come by and change the lock because he’d stolen my keys.
This was a nightmare. I felt terrorized and was unsure what to do. Eventually, he left me alone and allegedly moved back to L.A. In time, I began dating again and have since…